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This summer I read The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*CK by Mark Manson. Honestly, I had forgotten about the book until today when I realized and admitted I was caught in a moment of not giving a f*ck. But in that startling moment, deep down I really did give a f*ck; I was just pretending on the outside I didn’t give a f*ck in order to maintain the facade of a calm and confident woman. When really inside, I felt like I was teetering on the edge of DEFCON 1 i.e. nuclear war.

Does anyone have a f*ckin’ clue what I am talking about?!? We’ve all had those moments, right?! You try to come off all cool and confident when underneath it all you are totally unsure of yourself? Maybe for you it was a job interview or a date. Or an uncomfortable interaction with another mom in the coffee shop.

You want to know what I was doing while all this giving a f*ck/not giving a f*ck/feelings of approaching nuclear war  was happening? You’re going to laugh … I was teaching yoga. Yes, my friends, “just yoga.” I was smack dab in the middle of directing people to cross and twist all their limbs into a pretzel and I completely lost myself somewhere between all the right’s and left’s. I made an executive decision to not give a f*ck about all the potential mistakes I was making. I didn’t see anyone hurting themselves or doing anything dangerous and the students in the room were veterans who knew exactly how to get themselves into the pose. My inner dialogue went something like this: “F*ck it. Who cares. They know what they are doing.” “Ugh. You should know this by now. What’s your problem?” “It’s ok. Just keep talking and keep them moving. Stop second guessing yourself!” It was a serious war zone in my head; kind of like a scene from “The Walking Dead” – but worse.

Ok let’s get the f*ck back on track here. Seriously how many f-bombs have I dropped thus far? This idea of not giving a f*ck is some paradoxical sh*t if you ask me. Wow! Someone get this girl a bar of soap! (Normally I don’t swear this much in “real” life) I do find it funny though that my husband has a book entitled “Sh*t My Dad Says” and I own “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*CK.” #pottymouthhouse

Now that we are all thoroughly confused; myself included; you must understand that not giving a f*ck is really giving a f*ck in disguise. They may not be aimed at the same things though. For instance I could not give a f*ck about making a mistake while teaching yoga, but I could give a f*ck about not giving a f*ck. Clear as mud?!? I thought so. And just for the record I do give a f*ck about making a mistake, but at the end of the day it is “just yoga.” Now in my previous life, I was involved in a near miss incident where a patient went to the OR for a RIGHT lung transplant and almost ended up with a LEFT lung transplant. That my friends, is more than “just yoga” and you bet I gave a serious F*CK about that!

I leave you with a quote from Mark Manson’s book,

“The idea of not giving a f*ck is a simple way of reorienting our expectations for life and choosing what is important and what is not.”


DISCLAIMER: They say (whoever “they” are) when you write, you should be writing to solve your audience’s problems. If that’s the case I apologize in advance for failure to execute on that level! I’m fairly certain I’ve only added to your confusion at this point. But that’s ok, because I don’t give a f*ck. Remember though, not giving a f*ck is actually giving a f*ck 😉



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