Ok here it goes. On this sad day in America when so many lives were lost to another episode of gun violence, I find myself reunited with what burns deep within me. A desire to be seen and heard in this world. As a woman and a mother, I believe it is crucial now more than ever to live as beautiful, BOLD, and juicy as possible. It is time to share our stories. It is time to stop hiding. It is time to come out into the light and be messy honest with ourselves so that we can connect; so that we can love and heal together.
So this evening this is where I am. I would love to hear where you are when you read this! I am writing this inspired and motivated by an old bog post written by someone who believes what I believe; someone who believes that love wins. The one and only Glennon Doyle Melton.
My 25 Beautiful, BOLD, + Juicy things you don’t have time to read:
- I believe in courage, compassion, and service. These are my core values.
- I watch about 1 documentary a month and other than that I really can’t stand TV.
- I wasn’t that close with my brother until he got in his accident.
- I started writing a book but haven’t seriously worked on it in months. I have been procrastinating which is really a cover-up for fear. The fear is that the layout will suck; therefore the book will suck; and no one will want to read it. Which I realize is just a stupid lie and a stupid story I am telling myself but I have let the fear halt the process.
- I used alcohol as a way to numb myself while working stressful jobs and while navigating the first few years of motherhood. I even went to an AA meeting this year after a tipsy night out turned into a dark, depressed morning. I have gained perspective and awareness surrounding my consumption of alcohol. I still enjoy a glass or 2 of wine.
- I am afraid of who I may become if I don’t practice self-care. Who I may become is angry.
- I can’t stand clutter or the majority of consumerism. I will walk into a store “forgetting” that I don’t like to shop and then realize as I am half way through the store just how much the consumerism in this country sickens me.
- I like to swear. There’s just something about dropping the F-bomb. Having school aged kids now makes it harder to do though.
- I am a morning person. I nap. I go to bed early. Sleep and rest are a priority in my life. How I drove hundreds of miles and survived working a full time job that entailed 24 hr shifts I have no idea. But there are times when I do miss being up in the middle of the night doing a very special job.
- I am very spiritual, but not religious. I used to be an atheist.
- I have to borrow this one from Glennon, “I would finally rather be kind than cool. But both is the dream.”
- Every year I fall deeper and deeper in love with my husband, Ty. But every year his extreme use of blinkers and his parking choices drive me more insane (FYI: When driving the car off road on the beach using the blinker to park is really not necessary)
- I love animals so much it resulted in us having goats and ducks, along with chickens, a dog, and a cat. We no longer have the goats and ducks, but I never stop wanting more furry friends.
- I am an ENFP. A dreamer. The song “Go Big or Go Home” excites me.
- I want more kids. Adoption is not off the table; but it scares me.
- I love movement. You name it I like to do it. Walking, running, skating, swimming, biking, dancing, yoga. Along with sleep, movement is a priority in my life.
- I am judgmental. I have guilt and shame surrounding this fact. Every damn day I am trying to practice the art of letting go and of staying in my own business. I find it’s easier to do the less time I spend on social media.
- Grief is a friend of mine. I would take all the losses back in a heartbeat, but then who would I be? Finding gratitude from grief has transformed into growth. Interesting that those are all words that start with the letter “G”
- I don’t need coffee to start my day. I am content to drink hot lemon water. But Ty has been making the coffee at night so I am happy to drink it.
- I am the keeper of the schedule in our house. Sometimes it drives me crazy to assume the responsibility of it and it also drives me insane that our society often defaults to the mother to be the schedule master, but it would drive me more crazy to not be “in the know” of who’s doing what and when. Yes, I am sort of a control freak.
- Sometimes I don’t give myself enough credit and more times than not I don’t give Ty enough credit for the amazing man he is.
- Banking off of #21, Ty will accommodate my schedule just so I can practice yoga on a daily basis. He understands and values what my yoga practice has given me. I am better wife, mother, and human being because of it.
- Sometimes my parents make me sad, scared, and/or frustrated.
- Sometimes I wonder how I am disappointing my kids or how I will disappoint them at some point in their lives.
- Even after witnessing hundreds of deaths, including my own brother’s, I never really woke up to what life was really about until after having a complete nervous breakdown.