I CHOOSE ME
I didn’t even see it coming. I was having the best time of my life (or so I thought I was). Hell, it was Christmas in Massachusetts and we were outside in flips flops drinking mimosas. The next thing I know I find myself in a frightfully dark place. I was paralyzed by depression, exhausted from anxiety, and frayed by trauma. My husband had to stay home with me. I could not get out of bed, could not work, nor care for our children. I was scared to be alone. I took a leave of absence from my job and dug deep within my core. I don’t want to live like this, constantly running around, “doing it all”, “being it all.” Trying to convince myself life is great only to have periodic episodes of exhaustion, anger, anxiety, depression, and STRESS. It was a few days after Christmas when I had a moment of clarity and realized I haven’t truly stopped to breathe since 2009. Well F*** this. This is not working for me anymore. It’s time to STOP and BREATHE. I told my husband, my parents, and closest friends that I CHOOSE ME. I asked myself, “Who am I?” “What is my purpose?” “What do I want?” I made it my job to seek out as much professional support as possible. I had fallen on my knees, open and ready to receive the support I deserved and wanted. I had hit the brick wall. I was having a breakdown.
I had to BREAKDOWN in order to BREAKTHROUGH.
The gifts I received as a result of this breakdown have been priceless. I have learned how to show up and embrace my own vulnerability. I have learned how to manage fear and divorce it. I have learned how to move forward with pursuing my passion. I am COURAGEOUS, VULNERABLE, PASSIONATE and I am taking ACTION. This is my breakthrough. This is my journey. What lies ahead on this path? Who knows? So long fear, so long self doubt. The unknown excites me. What I intimately know, and I am sure you will agree, is how our journey ends. Either our heart or our brain will cease to function. That is the final act; the final curtain call. Choosing yourself is the ultimate choice of healing and love. Replace stress with LESS. Less “clutter”, more light. More flow. More creativity. Patience. This is your new path. Your life. Drink it in. Discover. Be thankful. You’ll find that gratitude changes everything.